Gym socks, take cover

We joined a gym today.  We really need it. 

I’m a little nervous.  I haven’t belonged to a gym in nearly five years.  That’s not to say I haven’t exercised, mind you…I have.  Just not as much as I used to.  When we lived in Divide, Colorado, we thought it would be a nice place to really stay in shape.  Rural areas sometimes foster that kind of lifestyle.  Oh, how we were off-base on that.  Rural living only keeps you in shape if you’re chopping wood, hunting your food, or doing major gardening/farming/lifting/building.  We lived on top of a cold, windy mountain.  There was no need to chop wood with our flip-a-switch gas fireplace.  The HOA rules didn’t allow chickens or cows or anything not named ‘Rex’ or ‘Fluffy.’  Shoveling snow was about the most exercise the actual property required, and that usually didn’t even happen because when it did snow, there was no shoveling…it was time to call a plow.  And pushing a stroller on the dirt road at 9200 feet was doable for about two months every summer, if you went during the day when the sun was up high enough to make it warm but not so high that it created an instant sunburn, but not so low that it was too cold and it was likely that wild animals were still out prowling around and it hit you directly in the eyes as you walked toward it…

Okay so these were some of the various reasons I’ve been an indoor girl for the past few years.  But now that we are in a real town with sidewalks and grass and bike trails and stuff, we decided there were no longer any valid reasons to sit around and watch American Idol (though that is what TiVo is for).  So while our favorite TV shows are recording, we are going to get back into shape!

And this is a nice gym.  It’s way nicer than the 24 Hour Fitness I was part of in Colorado.  It’s got everything a person could want in a workout facility.  Juice bar, a zillion nice machines with LCD TV screens built in, a daycare center, a pool that doesn’t use chlorine but instead some high-tech saline system…I mean, nice. 

When I was single I was one of those jerks who went to the gym for a good two hours a day, five or six days a week.  I know I won’t be able to do that again for a long time.  Nor would I really want to.  But it would be nice to go four days a week for an hour or two.

I don’t look forward to the starting over.  I’ll be starting from scratch, really.  Since my uber-athletic days, I’ve had two roly-poly children and one major back surgery that took a full year to recover from.  Those screws at L5-S1 I am not willing to pop out.  Those suckers cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $85,000.  So I have to really start slow and work up to…what?  I don’t even know.  I guess I will find out. 

So if you happen to see the completely out of shape klutz in the corner trying to contort herself into a U shape, that is just me trying to see if I remember how to do a crunch.  Or more accurately, if my abdomen will even allow me to do a crunch.  My back surgery was an ALIF procedure, where they made a seven-inch cut into my gut, moved all the internal organs out into a dish while they worked on my spine, then put it all back where they figured it went. It’s never really been the same, and when I do anything remotely resembling a crunch, it’s kind of “squishy,” like “hey, maybe that’s my liver…oh wait, that could possibly be a pancreas? 

It’s very strange.  A person should be able to take their organs for granted.

 

Dilemma of the Day

Still feeling ok. A little pain this morning when getting out of bed.

I am certainly driving my husband nuts. He works at home, but I am making it difficult by constantly asking him to do things. I am begging him to go to Target for me, which is 30 miles away. I am out of books and movies to watch. I would have ordered from Amazon, but I thought I would be able to talk someone into going shopping for me.

I tried to install a game on my computer (Age of Empires III). I can’t sit for very long to play it, but it does let you save the game and come back to it later, so what the heck. Problem. When I installed it my computer informed me that my graphics card was a piece of refuse and was not powerful enough to run the game. Well I think that is baloney, but I can’t do much to fix it right now. Fixing it would involve a lot of bending and troubleshooting, and I can do neither. I might also have to crack the case and take out the card to inspect it. Can’t do that. My husband is strictly Mac, and he doesn’t have time to look anyway, so there you have it. So no conquering the New World for me.

I wish I could do laundry or something. Now there is a sentence you will probably never hear me say again.

 

Day 21

Day 21…today was the most bored I have ever been in my entire life. Never have I had such a need to leave the house…but alas! No where to go and no way to get there. I am sick of the internet…even as I type this.

I peeled off my bandages last night. I think I am allergic to the glue on the Steri-Strips, so I took them off. It wasn’t fun but it is nice to have them gone. I will still be peeling the glue off for several days. I feel pretty good. I walked on the treadmill for a total of 30 minutes today, 10 minutes over three different times.

 

Late Night Ramblings

It’s past my bedtime, but it is hard to sleep when you don’t expend much energy throughout the day. I just had to get on here and marvel at the fact that the spot where my back pain has been for YEARS is NO LONGER THERE!!!!!! I still feel pain from the surgery, but the “burning lump of coal” that has plagued me since 1996 is GONE!!!!

 

Late Night Ramblings

It’s past my bedtime, but it is hard to sleep when you don’t expend much energy throughout the day. I just had to get on here and marvel at the fact that the spot where my back pain has been for YEARS is NO LONGER THERE!!!!!! I still feel pain from the surgery, but the “burning lump of coal” that has plagued me since 1996 is GONE!!!!

 

Staple Removal

I got my staples (20) removed today. It was about as much fun as…getting staples removed.

I am actually feeling pretty good. I can’t sit for very long, and I get tired really easily, but other than that I am ok. I have to be really careful when moving, so I don’t twist or bend too far. One wrong move and…OW. Walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes yesterday. I can’t get too carried away.

Boredom is pretty rampant. Lots of people have e-mailed funny things to read and do. I am awaiting a box of movies and books from Amazon.com, my best friend at the moment.

 

New Parts Installed

Let’s just say that it is not comfortable to sit at a computer. I am typing this in a very awkward position which isn’t comfortable either, but I felt that it was time for an update. The morning of the surgery (February 15) I had a clear mind to go with the fusion instead of the ADR. So that is what I did. The surgeon seemed to breathe I sigh of relief when I told him, maybe he was thinking One less person to sue me later. Not that I am litigious anyway, but he doesn’t know that.

Below is a “diary” of what it has been like so far…part of this is from memory.

Day 1 - Surgery (2/15/06)

Arrived at the hospital slightly late. Very foggy driving down Hwy 24…20 foot visibility. Is it still considered “fog” when it is obviously a cloud? Anyway, we had to turn back after driving nearly the entire way because I forgot to grab my very important red folder that they reminded me to bring to the hospital (Note: once we got there, no one ever asked for that stupid red folder. Should have never turned back). Nurses sprang into action and told me I was “ASAP’d” so I was in the waiting room only for a few minutes.

The nurses handed me the token gown to wear. Why are hospitals always so frickin’ cold? And you would think someone getting back surgery might be given more than a 2 inch foam mattress to wait on. Anyway, eventually we got wheeled back to the pre-operating room where I met with the whole surgery team. I met with the anesthesiologist (I hate typing that word) who gave me some options for pain. I got to choose between epidural and pain button. I chose the pain button (I actually wanted BOTH but apparently that is not an option). He also told me I would wake up with a second IV that he would put in, for the purpose of making a blood transfusion happen should it come to that. I met with the surgeon and we discussed the fusion. I was about to undergo the ALIF (Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion) procedure with invertebral cages. I am not going to explain what that means…there are lots of other places you can go to read about it. Here I also got my first IV put it, which almost necessitated a transfusion right there.

Jesse and my mother were there with me in the pre-op room. My mom was freaking out, natch; if Jesse was concerned he didn’t show it…or maybe his concern was overshadowed by my mom’s freakiness. Most of all she worried about my allergy to sulfa drugs. I tried to explain that my red bracelet was to prevent them giving sulfa drugs to me; also, this operation would never, ever call for the use of them…but does that logic matter? I think that with a major operation where they actually move your guts out of you and put them back later has many, many other points of concern. I digress.

At 11:00 AM I was wheeled to the operating room where I noticed I was getting “Fuzzy”. That sneaky anesthesiologist (did I mention I hate typing that?) had slipped me something in the IV. I remember thinking “Where am I supposed to put my arms? This table doesn’t have a place for my arms!”

5:20 PM: I woke up suddenly, unsure where I was, suddenly aware of great, horrible pain in my abdomen. I started thrashing about (so they tell me) until a nurse gave me a little something in my IV. I am told I had some funny conversations with the nurse, including a story where I told the nurse that I, too was a nurse. I guess she asked me where I was a nurse and I told her “Aw, I’m just kidding, I’m not a nurse, I am just a computer geek.” Of course this is all second hand, the only thing I really remember is the pain. Ow.

Day 2 - Day 4 (2/16-18/06)

Really not a lot of memory here. I just remember a few things: Pushing my pain button a LOT. Thinking that night nurses are mean and rude. Having to “log roll” out of bed. Wondering if this was a good idea at all. Not getting to eat, not even ice chips…but not really caring. Not being able to get comfortable. Watching LOST on my hospital TV but not remembering what happened at all. My hospital roommates are loud, and so are their families. Why can’t all nurses be like “Dell?” I hate hate hate physical therapists (who always seemed to show up five seconds after I finally found a comfortable position in bed).

Day 4 (2/18/06)

I get to eat broth, jello, and a popsicle!

Day 5 (2/19/06)

My first real meal in six days: Cream of Rice. Blecch. Bonus event: I lost 11 pounds in the hospital. This starvation plan really works! I can see why so many in the entertainment industry use it!

I can walk a computer loop of the 7th floor at Memorial Hospital (with my totally rockin’ walker of course). Why? Because if I walk like I know what I am doing, they will let me go home. I HATE this place. If they asked me to scale the side of the building before I could be let out, I would probably try. If only that “Dell” nurse was on duty, I might have stayed another day. But instead a bunch of psychos are on duty. I shouldn’t say they were all bad. “Paul” and “Amy” and “Krystal” were all pretty terrific. I am awesome: I have a walker, a toilet riser, and a three-foot long shoe horn. I am completely prepared for my golden years.

The surgeon comes in to ask me how it is going. I think about it. The pain I had before seems to be gone. I can feel my left leg again. It’s hard to notice this through the six-inch stapled incision in my gut, but it’s gone. The surgeon is pleased, as am I. They let me go home. They give me lots of drugs, including some for the 30-mile car ride home. Thanks to everyone who visited me in the hospital!

Day 6 (2/20/06)

Maybe coming home early wasn’t such a good idea. It is really hard to get around. Why did we have to get such a tall bed? My son is scared of me…I probably look and smell different. He might sense the drug-induced wackiness. Good thing his Grandma is here. I take a lot of drugs and sleep a lot. This really, really, really hurts.

Day 7-8 (2-21/22-06)

I move really slowly with my walker. This sucks. The pain has not subsided since the hospital. The horse-pill sized Percocets are being taken every 4 hours but are barely making a difference. This really hurts. I can’t play with AJ with hurts much worse than the pain. I need help putting my socks and pants on. That hurts too. Boy, this sucks. I am also starting to feel the back pain. This is normal; they added some hardware back there with some screws and whatnot…I can feel where they drilled them in. I might be imagining it, but if I reach back there (carefully, since I can’t bend or twist) I think I can feel the hardware through my skin.

My mom leaves on the 22nd. After she is gone, we are officially screwed. AJ has been gramma-ized (spoiled rotten). He won’t sleep. He won’t accept his daycare; they call to tell us he is inconsolable and we have to go pick him up. My husband can’t get his work done, and there is nothing I can do to help. AJ also is recovering from an ear infection so he won’t eat or cooperate. The house is such a mess that I am afraid to walk in fear I might trip over something. No one is getting any sleep. This is hellish. I hope it is worth it. Luckily food is being delivered by generous folks from my workplace. I don’t have to subsist on frozen burritos with a side of ramen.

Day 11 (2/25/06)

I don’t have to use my walker for everything. The pain is either getting better or I am more used to it. When I think about it, even though it hurts it isn’t as depressing as my constant back pain was before. Maybe this is because there is an end in sight. I already feel better (as good as one can feel with a back brace, toilet riser, and itchy incision). One thing that is killing me: my legs are restless and itching to move. I get on the treadmill for ten minutes; this is incredible. It feels great. My stomach has really shrunk down, or something. I am 14 pounds lighter than when I went into the hospital. I guess you don’t need to eat much when you are lying around all day long.

Day 12 (2/26/06)

I am getting these staples out on Wednesday. I’m a little nervous about the car ride. Ouch. My son has accepted the fact I cannot pick him up, he settles for hugging my legs. I wish I could play with him, but that will come in time. The bright side is he probably won’t remember any of this.

I have read five large novels, watched every movie in the house, and spend hours learning useless trivia on Wikipedia. If anyone has a good book to recommend, let me know.

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There you have it so far. That was a long post. Did you read the whole thing?

 

Decisions for Incisions

For those of you have been following along, there has been an Issue. Last Thursday at my pre-op appointment with the surgeon, I was informed that a class-action lawsuit is pending against the maker of the Charite artificial disk (DePuy Spine, a widget in Johnson & Johnson). My surgeon is not aware of the basis of the lawsuit, other than the huge team of (Have you read the Dark Tower? My new name for lawyers is lawstrosities) lawstrosities is sending out generic letters to the 4,000 people in the United States who received the Charite in 2005…”Have you or a loved one been injured by the artificial disk?”

Charite was successful in Europe for nearly 20 years. Bring a revolutionary technology to the U.S. and BAM! Lawsuit in one year. My surgeon is still willing to go forward with the ADR. The other option for me is a fusion at one level - the L5-S1. but of course it is up to me. And why shouldn’t it be? After all, I have had years and years of professional medical training, I read JAMA on a regular basis, and personally I have performed thousands of successful, complex surgeries…wait, no I didn’t. I do watch House though.

It is the eve of my mega-surgery, I am about to enjoy my last meal and beverage before the operation, and I am not sure whether I am getting a fusion tomorrow or the ADR. The pros and cons of each are for the most part, equal. An added “pro” for the ADR might mean that in just a few years I will get a check in the mail for $2.79, thanks to the lawstrosities at Bagolie Friedman (recommended motto: We Care About Your Potential for Huge Profits…For Us!)

I will keep you posted on which surgery I ended up getting…stay tuned. For a good article and some responses from Citizens Average, read this.

 

Lots of Appointments

The artificial disk requires a LOT of appointments. Part of this is due to the strict FDA regulations for the ADR; candidates for the surgery need at least six months of failed treatments before the doctor can consider the disk replacement. During that six months (or twelve, in my case) there are multiple doctor appointments every month. Physical therapy, several rounds of steroid epidurals, MRIs, x-rays, facet joint injections, consultations…more I can’t think of.

Tomorrow I have two appointments in a single day. One appointment is with my surgeon, to go over the “rules” again. I will hear what to expect and receive detailed instructions that I have to follow in the 6 months after my surgery. I should mention it is actually MORE than six months…if I so much as get my teeth cleaned in the next year, I have to be on antibiotics. Spine implants carry a higher risk of infection - and infection can be brought on by something as simple as routine dental work. Methinks I don’t want an infection of the spine, so I am following my doctor’s orders to a “T.”

The second appointment is at the hospital. I have to get an EKG, x-rays, and some other pre-op tests that I can’t remember at the moment. The surgery is quite an ordeal and they check everything before doing it. I am fine with this; just like I want the plane experts to check my plane before it takes off. Please! Do all the tests you need! As long as insurance covers it!

 

Pass the Percocet

I am finally cleared to have Artificial Disk Replacement. Years before it ever got approved (and before I even knew it existed) I would tell people “I wish that I could just get a new disk!” Now that the time is almost here, I am actually sort of freaking out. The surgeons go in the front…sheesh! Basically they will scrape out what little disk is left from my previous back surgeries (Laminectomies at L5-S1, February and August 2001) and pop this thing in. Just over a week to go before they bring out the scalpels.