January 5, 2008
The film industry has really put out some crap movies. This was made evermore apparent at a recent excursion to Blockbuster. We haven’t been to Blockbuster in a long time, since there are so many cheaper ways to get movies that do not involve late fees. But this month, the pay-per-view channels haven’t offered much so we ventured out to the BB.
We made two rounds of the mostly-full shelves. I was in awe of the sheer crap that sat next to some of the “new releases,” which I swear, most of them were just in the theater. When the only movie that was even tempting was entitled Jackass 2.5, well, why did we bother wasting the gas to drive to Blockbuster at all? The phrase “straight to DVD” came to mind as we passed many of the titles, many of them with big-name stars.
Our trip to Blockbuster turned from a search for rentable movies to a game called “Let’s Entertain Ourselves By Finding the Dumbest Movie Available.” Here is the movie that we agreed was the winner of the evening:
The Plot: Born with two stomachs, Patrick Smash is uncontrollably and devastatingly flatulent. No more than thirty seconds after his birth, he first broke wind, horrifying his parents and doctor. As he grew up, his flatulence became so destructive that his father had to flee their home, as he was often injured by the power of his son’s broken wind, a force so strong that it can blow people over and curtains open in one mere release.
Patrick’s unfortunate affliction left him prone to bullying. However, while he is physically weak, Patrick finds strength in his disorder and eventually seeks revenge on his main tormentor Damon by passing gas in his face, leaving the bully scarred for life. Patrick’s only friend is child prodigy Alan A. Allen who has anosmia and therefore, a resilience to Patrick’s condition. Alan and Patrick team up, using Alan’s intelligence and Patrick’s lifelong dream of being an astronaut, to make Thunderpants, a space suit strong enough to contain Patrick’s emissions. Suddenly, Patrick learns that Alan went to America with the government to assist astronauts who are trapped in outer space, and Patrick finds that his condition may be of use to the spacemen in peril.
Now keep in mind that we didn’t stoop so low as to actually rent Thunderpants, but the title stayed with me. Here is a blurb from a review from ukcritic.com:
“I staggered out of “Thunderpants” feeling entitled to a full payout of my life insurance policy. This movie should be shown in prisons so that inmates have a good reason to never return. “
We went home and watched some Jackass reruns.
