Old Ladies on Bikes

I decided to go for a bike ride this evening.  The nights are getting noticeably cooler and darker, and it dawned on me that those ultra-long days we enjoyed in June are going to be ultra-long nights this December.  So I went for a bike ride.  Soon after I left, I saw the cutest group of old ladies on bicycles.  I have never seen such a thing.  It was awesome.  I think that the oldest one was in her 70s.  If I am 70 and still riding a bike, someone please give me a medal.  Two of them had helmets on.  The third was a rebel and let her snow-white curls fly in the wind.  I was so excited that I had to get a picture of them.  They were so cute.  It might be condescending to say that, I don’t know.  But I can say that the sight of them made me really happy, like I was witnessing a real life version of the Golden Girls:  Beijing. 

We were all on a wide street with no traffic.  The old ladies started swerving at each other like they were going to run each other off the road.  They were laughing and joking about it, having fun.   I thought this was awesome.  I readied my camera.  But there is no good way to say “Hey, you old ladies are adorable and I want to post your photos on the internet, ‘kay?”  So I pulled my bike over to the opposite side of the road and held my camera over my head like I was trying to take a photo of myself.  I clicked away, hoping to catch the old ladies riding away just so I could prove that I saw them. 

This is me getting busted by the lady on the pink bike.

But the lady on the pink bike turned around as I was taking the photo.  “Are you trying to take a photo of yourself with the mountains in the background?” she asked.  “I can take a picture of you if you want.”  She then circled back toward me and slowed down, like she was going to get off her bike.  (Note to self: If you are ever in this situation again just say yes.) 

“Nah,” I said.  “That’s okay.  I don’t want a picture of me.”

“Then what the heck are you doing?” she asked, clearly puzzled. 

“I’m just taking a picture of the mountains,” I said.  “Just the mountains.  Not me.”

“Then why are you backwards?” she said.  “You could turn around.”

Thanks for pointing out the obvious, I thought.  Then I started to try and make up a good reason why I was pointing my camera backwards even though I didn’t want myself in the photo.  “I’m just taking pictures of the neighborhood,” I said.  “My husband wants me to research neighborhoods in the area.”  What an idiot I am.

I took a real picture, trying to convince the lady on the pink bike of my innocence. But she was too smart.

“Are you just taking pictures of crazy old ladies on bikes?” she asked.  She really asked this.

I laughed.  “Yeah, that’s it,” I joked.  Except I wasn’t really joking.  I hoped I sounded like I was joking.  I decided that it would be a good time to start pedaling.  So I did.  The lady on the pink bike rode to catch her friends, which were a ways down the street but waiting for her.  Since the night was quiet and the street empty, I heard her yell “She’s taking pictures of us!” to her friends.  I pedaled faster.  I could hear the three of them now, but I didn’t hear what they were saying.  I glanced back and all three of them were pedaling toward me and talking loudly. 

Of course I had to hold up the camera as I was pedaling away. They are in the upper right corner...see the small pastel blurs?

 

I thought they couldn’t possibly be coming after me.  How ridiculous would that be.  But maybe they watched a lot of 60 minutes, and decided that there was something wrong with me and I was taking photos of them to…what?  What would I be doing with photos of old ladies?  Clearly I need to watch more 60 minutes.  Anyway I did the old trick of making a bunch of left turns.  I’m not sure where I learned this, perhaps old episodes of Get Smart.  Every time I made a turn, I pedaled like hell to the end of the street.  And when I turned around, the Golden Girls would be on my tail (though a long way behind me).  I think they wanted to ask me what I planned to do with the photos.

 

Of course I was trying to take photos of all this while pedaling...but it was getting dark, I was scared, so I mostly got pictures of my head.

So I did what any smart blogger would do…I pedaled faster!  I realized that I had a healthy dose of adrenaline coursing through my veins because there were elderly women chasing me on pastel-colored bicycles.  Seriously, it’s the stuff of nightmares.  Cue the Jaws music.

I dashed and darted up and down streets in an effort to shake them.  I looked behind me before I zoomed into the garage.  I shut the garage and ran inside the house. 

I hope they don’t know how to Google.