My dad took this marvelous photo of cedar waxwings on our cedar trees.
Cedar Waxwing - Montana, January 2012 -photo by Mitch Kovnesky
Cedar Waxwing
Bald Eagles
I already shared this on my Facebook page, but wanted to let the rest of the world enjoy. These are two eagles I spotted in a tree while driving home. I pulled over to the side of the road to snap a few pictures.
Bald Eagle pair, Bozeman, MT
Everyone should get to see a bald eagle up close, at least once in their lifetime. Aren’t you glad they finally banned DDT?
She grew up in a mining town
Luckily I wasn’t born a canary.
Gallows frame and sunset. Butte, Montana 2010
Baby with the Pop-Out Leg
This is me as a baby:
Baby Maleesha - Montana 1977
What a chunk. See guys, it’s totally genetic. It’s why my bikini modeling career never took off.
Check out that funky diaper. My mom told me that she always had to put two diapers on me because (!!!) my LEG kept popping out of my hip joint and dangling there in the breeze. The doctor said (I’m paraphrasing) “Aw, shucks that ain’t nothin’ to worry about…just put those diapers on extra tight and it’ll all work itself out.” My mom took this to mean put two diapers on for extra support. Kind of like wearing two condoms*.
My dad tells me that when I was a tiny baby, the cat would jump in the crib with me and nap. The cat didn’t seem to bother me, so they let the cat sleep in the crib with me. If you have ever read a parenting book (note: parents in the 1970s did not have parenting books OBVIOUSLY) you know that the number one goal of a cat near a baby is to suffocate said baby by sitting on the baby’s nice-scented, but delicate, noggin. Luckily for me I didn’t die, and I love cats to this day, since I probably imprinted on that cat (mommy!). This paragraph has nothing to do with the pop-out leg, but here it is anyway.
When I heard about my pop-out hip, I immediately thought of all of my orthopedic woes of today. Was I just born with joints that wanted to bust free from their ligaments? You never know. Have YOU ever heard of this? Butte was very different in the 1970′s…perhaps my parents had me checked up by “Bob McGinn: Veterinarian, Rodeo Clown, OB-GYN.”
All’s well that ends well, and I have two happy healthy children today. I am proud to report that neither of them had pop-out legs.
*Teenagers…don’t actually do this
We don’t recommend knife fights
It was a Tuesday in 2003. I was on the second day of my life in my new, blue, split level house…the ink on the closing paperwork was still drying. I loved the new house. It was shaped a little funky, two living areas, stairs everywhere, but very open. Lots of windows to let the warm Colorado sun shine in. I had just stepped out of the shower, and soon I would be heading north on Platte, on my way to work. I was already looking forward to the weekend, so I could do all of those things that a person who just bought a house can do…unpack, put blinds on the windows, buy a new toothbrush holder. I skipped downstairs to make some toast.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow at the front door. The front door, which was half-window, was the only glass in the house that had a curtain… a yellow thin cloth hanging from a cheap white curtain rod. It wasn’t thin enough to totally obscure the man standing at the front door.
I froze, calculating the possibilities. I was pretty new in town, and no one from work knew where I lived yet. It was around 8 AM on a Tuesday, too early for something to get delivered. Then I realized that whoever was standing there, was just standing. No knocking, no ringing the doorbell. Who the hell was standing at my door?
I slowly backed up the stairs, and suddenly the doorbell rang. I had the feeling that if I could see the shadow of him through the flimsy curtain, he could see me too. The doorbell rang again after a few seconds.
I went to the door and pulled back the curtain. An Asian man stood on my porch, smoking a cigarette.
“Can I help you?” I asked, without opening the door (because only stupid blonde women in horror movies actually open the door).
“I need you to let me in,” he said in a heavily accented voice.
“Why? I asked. The obvious question.
“Gonna s&#k and f&$k,” he said. The hair on the back of my neck stood up in fear. I’m not the type to scream and run in frantic circles, so I said the first thing that came to my mind…a stern “You need to get off my porch right now.” He didn’t budge, instead he looked me in the eyes and took a long drag of his cigarette. I dropped the curtain shut and slowly backed away, trying to think of a plan. He rang the doorbell…not just once, but over and over. BING BING BING BING BING…
I darted up the stairs to grab my phone and my KA-BAR . The doorbell kept ringing. I came back down the stairs, still thinking, thinking. The man was still standing on my porch. I yelled “Go AWAY!” and then I turned to go down the stairs to the basement. But I doubled back quickly, just in time to see him dashing off the porch. I knew he was on the way to the back of the house to try to keep me in sight. As he rounded the house, I dashed into the kitchen and slid behind the island (so convenient!) and I dialed 9-1-1. The emergency dispatcher answered immediately. ”Someone’s trying to break into my house,” I said. I peeked around the corner. Sure enough, he was on the back deck…something glinted in the sun. He was holding a knife. The door into the house from the was one big window.
The green dot is me hiding behind the kitchen island. The red dot is the perp...everyone knows that red is the color of perps everywhere.
I gave the dispatcher my address. ”Do you have anything you can use as a weapon,” she asked me…she sounded afraid for me. I thought of all the calls she might have taken in her career that ended badly.
“I’ve got a knife,” I said.
“Is it a big knife?” She really did ask that.
“It’s a big knife,” I assured her. She recommended that I find a place to hide until the police arrived, but I had to stay behind the island. If I made a break for anywhere else in the house, the Bad Guy with the Knife would notice. I peeked around the corner again. He was furiously tinkering with the door lock. It was surely only moments until he busted in. I mentally pictured how I would hold the knife, how I would keep him from grabbing it, which door I would run to if I had a chance to escape.
BAM BAM BAM! There was a serious knock at the door. I was still on with the dispatcher. She told me it was the police…I wasn’t sure whether or not to leave my hiding spot just yet or not. But I looked to the back door, and no one was there. I cautiously went to the front door and pulled back the curtain. Two of Colorado Springs’ finest were on my porch. I opened the door.
To summarize the story, it took three minutes for the po-po to get there. One of the officers stayed with me, while the other went around the house looking for the Asian man. Even though he was on the back deck seconds before they arrived, the police could find no sign of him. They promised they would do regular patrols in the area for a couple of days. They remarked how they hadn’t had a 9-1-1 call in this neighborhood for fifteen years. One of the officers asked if I owned a gun.
“I don’t,” I said.
“Do you know how to use a gun?” he asked.
“Yes,” I told him. ”I had this in my hand the whole time though,” I said, and I pulled the KA-BAR out of my pants (heh).
“Oh man,” he said. ”You gotta get a gun. They’re a whole lot easier than fighting someone off with a knife.”
“Yeah, we don’t recommend knife fights,” the other officer agreed.
***
I couldn’t sleep at my (just purchased) home for days. My boss and his wife let me have their spare bedroom until I got curtains and replaced the windowed door with something more solid. The following Saturday, a team of co-workers came over to help do some basic renovations, put wood blocks in all the sliding windows, and things like that. Eventually I was able to sleep there, but there is nothing quite like the threat of violence to take the shine off of one’s new home.
Looking back, the guy must have been high. If he wanted to get in, he need not bother trying to pop the lock with his weenie knife…he could have just broken the window and let himself in. I was prepared to fight, and since he was a little Asian dude, I think it would have been a good match. Luckily for me, it didn’t come to that…but to this day, I still sleep with my KA-BAR tucked safely under my pillow.
2011- a good time had by most
I felt compelled to come up with an end-of-year montage for Binary Trash, but thinking back I couldn’t remember anything I did over the past twelve months. That got me a bit bummed out about my very run of the mill life, and getting bummed out only makes me want to eat potato chips instead of blogging. Surely I did something to write about in 2011, didn’t I? A light bulb exploded in my head!
After I was done cleaning up the glass shards, I ran to my computer to look through my pictures. If there was evidence of human-like activity, it would be recorded somewhere in C:\..\My Pictures. Yes! YES!!! Clicking around my clogged hard drive, I found lots of photos. Whoa, I did a lot in 2011. And by December I had forgotten most of it. This means two things:
1. I guess my short term memory is shot
2. I should really look through my pictures more often
Here are some things I did in 2011:
JANUARY
Macy turned three, and she helped me make her birthday cake. She wanted it to be purple, so by gum, we made it purple. It was a fun day. Baking with a toddler, or eating spaghetti with your feet…I am not sure which is messier. I haven’t tried the latter. Maybe this year.
Girls just wanna have fun
FEBRUARY
It must have been really cold in February 2011, because I can’t find very many pictures of it, so using my powers of deduction I reason my hands were too cold to operate the camera. I did find one picture though, from a drive on the way to the farm. Both of my parents have February birthdays, so I was probably headed that direction to say happy birthday. I think it’s kind of pretty. But cold.
MARCH
Went to San Francisco for two weeks. It was a business trip, but I had the whole weekend to play. I saw the zoo, ate lots of great food that is generally unavailable in Montana unless you cook it yourself, and got really lost in the Muir Woods. I got to do lots of touristy things too, like drive across the Golden Gate bridge, and hang off the side of a streetcar.
That's a giant redwood (behind me)
Random dude surfing near San Francisco in March 2011
Hanging off the streetcar. Wheeee!
APRIL
No clue what I did in April, as there is no photographic evidence to jog my decaying mind. If anyone knows where I was in April, you can contact me via the Intercluster.
MAY
May brought me on a whirlwind trip to Colorado just to visit friends. Lots of fun packed into a very short time. I saw the Maroon Bells for the first time, hugged the lone stoplight in Buena Vista, and participated in International Game Night with the gang.
Pikes Peak from Red Rocks park
Best shirt ever
JUNE
I participated in the Relay for Life with some cool chicks that I work with. We had a Gaga theme, and I hand-sewed a meat dress together. No cows were harmed in the making of said dress. It came out looking a lot like meat (from a distance, anyway). And our team won for Best Costumes. I like to think I contributed.
JULY
July was kind of a rough month. The kids’ dad had New Girlfriend move in with him after only a couple of months. Why was this rough? Because the kids really seem to like her, so it’s going to be very hard on them when she inevitably moves out. I didn’t want to see my kids go through another major loss. But who knows, maybe they will really stick together, I thought.
July wasn’t all bad, no no. The kids got a trampoline. The first day we had it, Macy jumped for so long that she threw up all night. She was bouncing in her sleep. These are tough lessons that children have to learn. Moms need to learn them too. She had eaten a LOT that day *shudder*.
Some children are upside down
AUGUST
I went camping and hiking in my favorite place on earth, Glacier National Park. I saw Iceberg Lake, which was totally worth the 10 miles and bottle of Motrin. I also had the privilege of hiking on a trail that was closed off due to imminent grizzly bear danger. This was a fantastic week and is worthy of its own entry in this little blog. Someday.
Iceberg Lake in August
SEPTEMBER
In September, some of my cousins brought their children over to the farm for a family picnic. I put together a treasure hunt for the kids…complete with clues, maps, and TREASURE! There were six clues that led to a box full of goodies such as toys and candy and crafts. I hope they had fun. I want to do it next year, too…but I have to make the clues harder. Those little boogers are clever!
Kovneskys are very prolific with the children - only two are mine
All the kids got to pick out a pumpkin or two, and they liked playing in the “log cabin” my dad built for AJ and Macy. Good times were had by all. All families went home with a bucket full of vegetables, whether they wanted it or not.
OCTOBER
My son AJ turned 7, and his dad put together a trip to a Bobcats game for all of us and two of AJ’s friends. AJ is mad about football. Because of his obsessive nature, I am learning a lot about football due to proximity of him. I caught myself getting really into some games this year. Not sure if it’s a mid-life crisis or what, but this has never happened to me before. A good mom has to support her kids, though, so I am glad he picked football and not golf. If I had to watch golf on TV, I think I might die. Here is us freezing our tails off at the game (The ‘Cats won).
The cold, cold wind was blowing directly in our faces
I also got a new friend in October. This is my bengal Sammie.
Cat and mouse
NOVEMBER
I turned 34 on 11/11/11…and instead of partying like a rockstar downtown like I had planned, I spent my birthday curled up in bed with the flu. See, this is why I never plan things.
The ex’s girlfriend moved back out. Shocker. I could go on, but it’s not polite. Let’s just say no one will ever be able to please the ex. I have to admit, though I am sad for my kids, it was a little bit validating for me. Honestly, I hope they work it out and she moves back in, because if they don’t, there will be a New Girl moved in before the end of 2012. And for the Mom, it’s not fun to worry about your children when they are with the New Girl. Is she a psycho? Does she hate children? Will she be a bad influence? This last one was pretty good…she will be hard to top as far as stepmothers go. But that mofo is HARD to live with, so who knows what the real story is here.
DECEMBER
December was a lovely end to the year. I got a Kindle Fire from Santa, and apparently it was just the thing I needed to get back into reading. I was very against e-readers, but now I am a convert. I will always love the smell and feel of books, but this superb little gadget is much easier to tote around the country. Makes my carry-on a little more manageable.
Right after Christmas, I got to spend a fantastic couple of hours with photojournalist and friend Holly Pickett. It was so much fun to catch up, and she reminded me of a party we threw at her house one night when her parents were out of town. I had forgotten all about the older kids showing up, the big stain on the new carpet, and the dude who sat in a houseplant. Remembering sillyness of yore was a much needed end to the year, a year in which so many serious events coated the nightly news.
Well, there you have it! I *DID* do something in 2011. I know one thing I didn’t do enough of…writing…which is regretful. The only way to make up for it is to write more this year. Blogging, writing, hell I am even going to attempt a journal. New years are good for new starts, and while I don’t make official “resolutions”, I like to think I feel just as hopeful and reenergized with each January first.
So here we are in 2012. I look forward to all of it. See you along the way!
